Jenna in Finland

Coffee. Finns and their coffee I swear to god they hook themselves up to an IV with it. I myself drink about 1-2 cups per day, usually inside a gigantic mug with dogs on it. I’m fussy about my coffee, mind you: juhla mokka is disgusting. THAT’S RIGHT, I SAID IT.

My favorite brewed coffee is from a roastery called Lehmus straight outta Lappeenranta. I love all things Karelian, and they’ve been voted Finland’s best coffee because it actually tastes really darn good.

“Kahville”: allative singular of kahvi

In the context of coffee-drinking in Finland, “mennäänkö/lähdetäänkö kahville” (shall we go for a coffee?) means let’s go for a literal coffee, where we sit in a coffee shop and hang out. If someone likes you enough, you might go their house, sit in their kitchen and shoot the breeze while drinking coffee. They will usually offer a snack because that’s simply the done thing. I’ve noticed that as a whole, Finns don’t just “hang out” – there needs to be a reason for socializing. That’s where the brew comes in. I use this invitation myself as a way to extend a proverbial olive branch to those I would like to get to know. It typically works, as I have a bulldozer personality and stopped waiting for people to initiate socializing with me. Finns are stereotypically introverted and in general don’t make the first move. This isn’t out of snootiness, over-shyness nor disinterest in socializing, but a genuine desire to not want to impose on someone’s time. I’m going to write a post about making friends here, but that’s for another day.

In very rare instances, “päiväkahviseura” (daytime coffee company) can apparently can also be used in the context of a hookup and/or prostitution. To be honest, I’ve only ever heard this used by one person whom I had a (ahem) close relationship with and they were flirting with me. Then I checked with 10 Finnish speakers and all of them answered “No, I don’t use it in that context.” This is anecdotal, yes, but I think it’s safe to assume it applies to 20-40 year-olds here in southern Finland.

Embrace the awkward.

Language learning is uncomfortable. Like, butthole-clenching, cringey awkward to the point that you don’t want to try because you know you’ll feel foolish for getting something wrong. Or is that just me? This whole “learning Finnish past the point of minä olen Jenna” has thrown me into some simultaneously excruciating and good-for-me-in-the-end situations. But here’s the thing: Finland is an awkward-ass country with awkward-ass people already, so I figured I’d might as well join the club.

I plan on telling you guys various awkward experiences in my life here in Finland, because it’s Finland, but this time we’ll focus on my nervousness the first time I ordered a coffee. I was so nervous about the whole thing that I practiced at home with my then-husband. Has anybody else done this or are you not an anxious overachiever like me?

Maito-what-the-what?

I went and ordered, but the barista talked so effing fast that all I caught was “blurghity blurgh babababa maitovaraa?”

Deer in headlights. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Would you like room for milk?”

“Oh! Yes please.” But, something inside me was telling me not to leave it at that and to try to learn something. I asked: “How did you phrase that? I’m learning Finnish and was wondering what you just asked me.”

The barista grinned and said “I said, ‘haluatko maitovaraa?’ Maitovara is the word for the space you leave for milk in a coffee.”

I felt so darn grateful that they took the time to explain it to me. I thanked them and gulped my liquid gold. So, I took that moment of cringe and made it work in my favor.

There are various sources for finding out how to order coffee, but one I’ll share here is from KatChats, who posted a video about ordering coffee on Youtube. I found this link through Reddit, and a Redditor commented that it’s “too polite.” And SO WHAT? HEAVEN FORBID anyone is polite nowadays. Get off my lawn!

Understandable, not perfect.

At some point in time, I pulled the stick out of my butt and stopped trying to be so “perfect”, because my really-darn-good-for-a-foreigner pronunciation was doing me no favors as I didn’t know how to form a sentence. I had a classmate from Spain in my first Finnish course who, along with having annoyingly-endearing boyish good looks, was the complete opposite of me and just sorta flew by the seat of his trousers. It was infuriating. How could someone be so nonchalant?! Aggh. This dude was charming as all get-out and he knew it. I watched him stroll (he strolled, you guys! Gah!) up to the counter and order a coffee at the school’s small cafe like it was nothing. He got it “wrong” with imperfect grammar and a super thick accent. I could barely understand what the eff he was saying, but here’s the key takeaway: the barista did not switch to English, and they did the whole transaction in Finnish.

After this, it clicked. Just chill out. It’s only a coffee.

To be fair, I’m still a bit of an overachiever, but I no longer cripple myself with unreasonable, lofty expectations (that NO ONE ELSE in the world would have of me) and try to approach my language learning process with the attitude that this is a marathon, not a sprint!

Ottakaa iisisti

Be more like my Spanish classmate, y’all. Study a bit, do your best, and lean into the awkwardness of it all. If the barista switches to English, I recommend that you keep going in Finnish. Yes, it’s weird to hear two languages going simultaneously (unless you’re from Switzerland). Lean into it. Let the awkward flow through you. Their butthole is clenching and causing future pelvic floor muscle problems because they don’t know which language to speak, but you’re a fallen Jedi-turned-Sith Lord (lay off me, I’m not a Star Wars expert) and you’re too powerful to be swayed by their attempts to get you to switch to English.

Or just do like me. Now that I actually speak Finnish, I downloaded an app so I don’t need to talk to anyone. Finnish assimilation complete!